Adoption failed...

As you may notice or even know, we were trying to adopt and unfortunately it fell thru. I am only posting about this to relieve some sorrow that I feel and it seems if I write about it, it helps. First and foremost, we are not angry or have malace in our hearts. Both Carter and I could not imagine making a choice to give up a child! We could in no way understand how that decision could be easy. We knew full and well that there was a possibility the adoption could not happen. With that we prepared as much as we could for that circumstance all the while believing and hoping that we would be able to bring Steeler home. It was a very rough experience. And to be quite honest with you I do not want to explain the details other then, I did hold him, feed him. and change him. I held him for hours and he grabbed my thumb. And while some of you may think that would be the hardest thing in the world... I know Heavenly Father was with me. I enjoyed holding him and marveled at how beautiful he was and how tiny he was! When I found out we were not getting him, it was not anymore painful than if I had not held him at all. Now it was painful! It is really too bad that I cannot get my emotional side to understand the same way my logical side does! Once I had my good cry, I knew that I would be just fine. And I know that because of all of you! You have prayed for us, fasted for us, and have put our names on prayer roles. You have reached out any way possible to show my family love and support. You even came to my home cleaned it, made it smell great, and left us meals. (Thank you soooo much for the crack!!! Omgdnss!) I know with such charity like this that Heavenly Father knows us. He answers our prayers through miracles, like being able to feel charity to the one you felt hurt you. And miracles such as being lifted by those who love and care for us. I asked for a miracle and definitely received one! I love you!

Steeler, you are so loved! You so have the potential to be a great man. We sincerely pray that you are able to reach that potential! Love, Kari, Carter, and Mackenzie!